The process of self development can be a slow, tedious experience. Other times it can happen in leaps and bounds. The most powerful meditation I have ever experienced occurred a little less than a year ago. First, I had a short but nice meditation. Then, I went on an hour long walk. I connected with Father Sun twice while I contemplated my personal sun ray. When I got home I decided to meditate again. I was laying on my back with my hands crossed over my chest, but soon I felt the desire to put my arms out by my side and totally surrender. I thought of Jesus and felt energy in my ajna chakra, or third eye. Then I thought of Paramahansa Yogananda and felt energy in the middle chakras. Finally, I thought of the Buddha and felt energy in the muladhara, or root chakra.
I focused on Yogananda for awhile and felt powerful contractions in my chest and shoulders. At times, I called on Christ to assist me. Other times I called on Buddha. It seemed as though I knew that they were cleansing me of all my karma, but I have no idea why or how. The contractions became so intense I could barely stand it. However, I continued to trust the energy of the three Masters was there to protect, guide, and assist me.
I recall saying over and over Jesus, Yogananda, Buddha as my attention turned to the ajna, middle, and muladhara chakras respectively. It felt like I was being “exorcised of my demons,” which is to say, the egoic energy, or “karma,” was being burned up from within. At times my body went through violent contractions like I was having a seizure. Other times I heard my own voice sound out so powerful, deep, and strong that I could hardly recognize it. It sounded like some of the possession scenes I have watched on video. However, I continued to trust the Masters, and God.
Divine Energy Is There to Help With Self Development
Many times I called out phrases such as, “Yes Jesus,” and “God yes,” or “Jesus help me!” Other times I heard myself say “get it out of me,” and “I surrender!” During some particularly intense moments my entire upper body would lift up off the floor, or my legs would spontaneously lift up and slam down hard. Still, I always knew I was safe because I was the awareness witnessing everything happen to the body. I knew it wasn’t the real me. It was the ego that had been conditioned over a lifetime. Or perhaps many lifetimes. I also knew I was in the midst of some powerful self development.
At times I would scream out, what sounded like intense emotional pain, and then burst into tears. Before long I would bust into hysterical laughter, knowing very clearly what was happening. When it became particularly intense I screamed out for Jesus or God to help me. I begged them to allow me to feel more emotional pain so I could rid myself of it completely. I felt tremendous compassion for all the previous selves who suffered and experienced the most incredible feeling of love and ecstatic bliss.
Another time I recall begging God to take it all away. I surrendered completely saying, “All I want is you. Use me as your will.” I felt so connected that I could feel what is meant by the phrase, “I and the Father are one.” We all are. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t care if I died but a part of me knew I wouldn’t. I knew it was the God in me that was allowing this to happen and even begging for more.
We Already Know the Truth
As I was going through these violent contractions and mood swings I recalled a spiritual experience in which the ego felt completely dissolved. It felt intensely expansive and I screamed out “I remember!” I remembered the truth of who we all really are. A few times I could feel the mind start to doubt by questioning if the experience was real. None of it mattered. Nothing did. I just continued to redirect attention to the Oneness.
Every time the body would contract or jolt, or the voice would scream out or cry in pain I simply felt the space and knew that’s what I am; me and everything and everyone else. We are not merely this body. We are the space in and around it; the interaction occurring in us and in our environment. I recall thinking please keep everyone else away so I can go through this fully without being interrupted. I knew that if someone else came home and heard me they would think I was in trouble. That was far from the truth. I was going through a powerful transformation and wanted to see it completed. And that is exactly what happened.
The Path Will Provide Confirmation
The self development described above was powerful and life changing. I knew at the time that I had released much stored emotional energy from past experience. The next night I had a dream that seemed to confirm this belief. I dreamt I was at a party with several people dear to me. Two of my former players were there. I recall grabbing them both around the waist, one in each arm, and wrestling with them. We were laying on our stomachs and I was preventing them from getting away, at least I thought I was. It became apparent they were just playing along.
At first glance this dream seems rather benign. But the next day when I reflected on it I found the deeper meaning. The two former players represented the playful part of me. That is why we were wrestling and having fun. The reason it was these two particular players in my dream is basketball was such a huge part of my identity for so long, and they were the first people to beat me at one-on-one in more than 15 years.
A Sliver of Light Penetrates the Darkest of Shadows
I was a basketball coach for twenty years. More people called me “Coach” than called me by name. Some of them still do. Losing to a player was monumental because it played a big part in “cracking the egg” of the basketball ego in me. It wasn’t long after that I stopped playing basketball altogether. It seems I couldn’t stand being anything but the “best.” Still, it goes deeper than that.
One of the players was a skilled offensive player who could score at will. His 6’6″ height and long arms represented what I saw as my short comings that kept me from going further in my playing career. The other player, who happened to be his brother, represented the hard-nosed, hard working player that allowed me to get the most out of the body I was given. The dream exposed the regret and resentment that I didn’t know was present. The emotional release described above allowed me to finally process that part of my ego. I know this to be true because when I reflected on the experience there was no emotional response; and I smiled.
Feel the Energy to Discover Its Meaning
A couple weeks later I got another confirmation of my belief about the karmic clearing meditation. I was reading about my experience in coaching in my first book, The Lost Season, and came across a section describing how I was denied a head coaching position I felt was rightfully mine. I felt a flood of emotions come upon me. But it felt far different than before. It seems I was now feeling a tremendous amount of compassion for my former self. It was incredibly similar to what I felt during the intense meditation two weeks prior. Never before had I felt that kind of compassion for my former self. Instead, I always seemed to resent myself for not doing more. And compassion feels a lot better than resentment.
The last confirmation I would like to share may be hard to believe, but it is what happened. My friend and spiritual partner mentioned that she had asked Jesus, Yogananda, and Buddha to help me release stored emotional energy. She had a vision of me stepping out of a shell after it had been cracked open. And that is exactly how it felt. More importantly, she shared this information without knowing about the meditation experience described above.
The self development I experienced that day was powerful and I have been learning from it ever since. It wasn’t easy, nor would I call it fun. But it was extremely rewarding and I would do it again in a heart beat if needed. The key is to view these types of experience as interesting rather than scary. When we realize it is in our best interest to allow the energy to flood our body and do what it will it becomes a welcomed guest. Accept the feelings when they visit. It will allow you to be liberated from them.
If you have questions, Jeffry can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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