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A Path to a More Fulfilling Life

Tag: anxiety (page 1 of 2)

Forgiveness Is Key to Letting Go of Pain

The other day the phrase to error is human, to forgive is divine came to mind. Indeed, everyone makes mistakes. But only those who are ready and able to let go of the pain are able to forgive. Forgiveness is a Divine act. And we must get the ego out of the way in order to truly do it. But we can use the ego itself to be free of it. This is where the phrase fake it till you make it comes in.

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Inner Conflict Is Present at Birth: A Quiet Mind Helps Resolve It

Did you know we are born with inner conflict? It begins in infancy and occurs between the primitive infant and his or her inherited psychological pathways. In the East the general ideology describes this energetic tension as karma.

Many people believe we are born as a blank slate. This is especially true in the West. Although it is true that our psyche is heavily conditioned during infancy and youth, it is not true that our energetic body is bare and unresponsive. All one needs do to see this is observe the vastly different temperaments of infants, before they have a chance to be conditioned by their care takers. In other words, our souls enter this life experience with a pre-established energy pattern. Gary Zukav wrote:

“When you understand…that the experiences of your life are necessary to the balancing of the energy of  your soul, you are free to not react to them personally, to not create more negative karma for your soul.”

The word “soul” is often misunderstood because it is such an esoteric term. It is our inner being, our core self, and we cannot perceive it with the five-sensory personality that experiences the physical plane of existence. But we can “feel” the pulls of our soul. This is where intuition comes in.

The Power of Intuition

I’m sure everyone has experienced intuitive moments at some point in their life. But that is no guarantee they have chosen to follow it. It’s the part of us that somehow “knows” what to do and what not to do. It is our soul attempting to guide our personality to make choices that lead to learning while incarnate here on Earth. This is how the soul evolves.

Our “soul” is the conscious intelligence that attracts energy in the form of atoms and molecules which give shape to our physical body. When we fail to recognize the energy of our inner being the conscious intelligence (or “Light”) is unable to shine through. Then we operate on the earth plane from the limited ego. In turn, we fail to hear the soul speaking to us through intuition. The personality comes from the place of fear because it knows it will die when the body ceases to exist. The inner being comes from a place of love because it knows it will never die. Which place do you choose to come from?

Learn to Quiet the Mind

This is where meditation comes into play. When we take time to quiet the mind and body we can learn to hear the messages of the soul through the intuitive processes. This doesn’t necessarily mean we must sit quietly with our legs crossed and eyes closed, trying to concentrate on the breath. Although this is how meditation is often depicted it is not the only way to quiet the mind. We can also go for a walk in the woods and listen to the sounds of nature. Or we can sit by a lake and become mesmerized by the stillness of the water. Or we can merely take a mindful walk around our neighborhood.

The point is there are as many ways to quiet the mind and body as there are people on earth. This is where our differing personalities come in. The personality of each individual pulls him or her to follow the promptings of the soul. But one can only be guided by intuition by learning how to follow feelings as well as thoughts. However, if one fails to recognize the promptings of the soul out of a belief that the individual personality is all there is, then he or she reacts to life experience from a place of fear. In this case, negative karma is created that the soul must then eventually become free of. 

As we develop our mind and body this inner conflict is either dealt with or buried deep in our subconscious. If it is repressed it will cause us to act in ways that can mystify us. Have you ever heard your mind say something like, what was I thinking!? Or, why did I do that? 

Opportunities to Face Inner Conflict 

Throughout our lives we encounter experiences that offer us the opportunity to face these inner conflicts. For example, we might have an interaction with someone close to us that causes an emotional outburst. If we blame the other person for our inner conflict we will simply reinforce the limited belief system that was instilled during child rearing. However, if we can sit with the emotional reaction without acting on it, and without blaming the other, then we can process the energy that was present at birth and conditioned as we grew up. In turn, we can free ourselves from both the inherited karma and that which was acquired early in life. 

The key to all of this, as with so many other things in life, is presence. It is crucial to learn to be still and present in the moment, especially during tumultuous times. When we practice presence in simple situations, such as waiting in line at the market, or driving or riding in a vehicle, then we will be better prepared to act from that place in times that it is most needed, such as during an intense interaction with another individual. 

To practice presence in simple situations just notice when the mind begins thinking about past or future. For example, when waiting in line you might start thinking about everything that needs to be done after you leave. In that moment, say to yourself “thinking.” Then wait and notice what the mind does next. You will be pointing out to yourself that you are aware your mind is somewhere other than the here and now.

The Power of Presence 

When this practice becomes consistent you will train your mind to give more attention to the silence between the thoughts. As you continue this simple practice you will change the baseline attention from being lost in thought to being present in the now. Being wrapped up with past and future thinking is where suffering occurs. Being in the now is where peace is found. 

One thing I would like to add is that I am not saying that thinking is bad or unhealthy. I am saying that there is a time and place for everything, including thinking. We can set aside a time to plan for the future without taking away from what we are doing in the moment. We can do the same with reflecting on past experience. This is where journaling can help. 

Self Reflection is Crucial 

I recommend setting up a time to write about anything that bothered you during the day. Notice whether you are pushing the blame or owning your inner disturbance. Write about what needs to be done to create the kind of future you would like to experience. Here it is crucial to keep all attention on what is wanted and how it can be achieved, without giving attention to the potential roadblocks. In turn, all your vital life energy will be directed toward what you aspire to, rather than what is not desired. 

In short, give more attention to the feelings in your body than to the thoughts in your head. Find ways, through your own personal exploration, that helps calm your inner being, such as meditation, going on walks, spending time in nature, playing a musical instrument, etc. The more your mind and body is calm the more you will hear the promptings of your soul. We have a choice. We can either take control of our own mind, or allow it to be conditioned by others. I prefer to have control of the wheel that steers my life. How about you?

For more of Jeffry’s writings please the the Zen Professor Book Store.
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4 Keys to Attract What You Want

We are co-creators of our reality. In the following paragraphs, I have provided examples of how to use 4 Key actions to attract a life we want. Believing in possibilities, focusing attention on what we want, choosing our words wisely, and visualizing what we want are important aspects of co-creating.

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The Direction of Attention Creates Our Inner Reality

There is a Zen story that depicts how the direction of attention creates our inner reality. Once there was a man who had so many children living in his farmhouse he could take it no longer. He finally decided to go see a Zen master and ask for his advice. The man went to the master and said, “Wise one, I am at my wits end. There are so many children living in my house that I can’t find a moment’s peace. What shall I do?”

The master replied, “Invite your mother and father in-law to come live with you.”

The man was surprised by the response, but he believed in the wisdom of the master and he didn’t know what else to do. So, reluctantly, he invited is wife’s parents to come live with them. However, the house became even more crowded and he and his in-laws disagreed on how to raise the children so the man felt more stress, not less. He went back to the master and told him of his dilemma.

When the man asked for advice as to what to do next the master replied, “Invite your children’s aunts and uncles to come live with you as well.”

Again the man could not see the logic but he followed the advice anyway, hoping the wisdom of the master went beyond his own recognition. However, rather than helping the man to find peace, he felt more stress than ever and again he went back to the master for advice. He said, “Master, I have followed your advice and brought in my wife’s relatives and there is less space than ever. I can’t get a moment’s peace. What shall I do?”

After putting his hand to his chin and pondering it for a moment the master replied, “Bring in all the animals from the farm.”

The man thought that sounded crazy but he still believed in the wisdom of the master and followed his advice. A short while later the man returned to the master more exasperated than ever before. He said, “Good Master, I have followed your advice to the letter and things continue to worsen. I have invited my wife’s parents to live with us. I have invited her brothers and sisters and all their children. I have brought in all the animals from the farm. There is no longer any room in the house for anyone or anything else. I am at a loss as to what to do. What do you suggest?”

Without hesitating the master said, “Remove all the animals and ask your in-laws to leave.”

So, the man did as the master had suggested. First he went home and he removed all the animals from the house. He then asked the aunts and uncles to take their children and leave. Then he asked his mother and father in-law to leave. Suddenly, the house seemed so big and spacious that the noise of the children was like music to the man’s ears. He had finally found his peace.

Turn Attention Toward the Space That Unites

The moral of the story is obvious when we look at it from the perspective of perception. Before meeting with the master, the man’s attention was going toward the noise and behaviors of the children. His attention was not on the space but on the objects of the space. However, once he had a different point of reference, he changed the direction of his attention from the objects to the space. Suddenly, there seemed to be much more space than before and peace was to be found there.

The message behind this story appears to be two-fold. First, the direction of attention creates our inner reality. Second, we must focus on both what is and what is not in order to get the entire picture of our current situation. A wonderful poem that illustrates this idea can be found in the Toa Te Ching in which Lao Tzu wrote:

We put thirty spokes together and call it a wheel; But it is on the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the wheel depends. We turn clay to make a vessel, But it is on the space where there is nothing that the usefulness of the vessel depends. We pierce doors and windows to make a house, And it is on these spaces where there is nothing that the usefulness of the house depends. Therefore, just as we take advantage of what is, we should recognize the usefulness of what is not.

See the Entire Picture

Lao Tzu is reminding us of the importance of seeing the entire picture. The moment we get pigeonholed into looking at life in bits and pieces, the more we support, in our subconscious beliefs, the idea that life is full of random chaotic events. However, when we zoom out and see the big picture, it becomes clear that life is far different than this. Everything is intimately connected to everything else. Nothing happens independently. It is merely the mind’s tendency to pull out sections of reality and evaluate its meaning in a reductionalistic fashion. When this is done information is lost. In turn, our understanding of the object of perception becomes limited.

The Bible often refers to this idea when it suggests to “meditate on God” or on “God’s word.” The problem comes when one assumes “God” to be an external source of energy. I don’t think it can be overstated that our interpretation of what “God” is is imperative to our understanding of the concepts being discussed. How good could advice be if we choose to only listen to a portion of it? For example, if we are told to invest our money into real estate, and we choose to invest but we invest in the stock market and lose all our money, did listening to a portion of the advice help us?

For some practical advise in using present moment awareness to find peace, see my book: Peace: The Art of Mindfulness to Eliminate Stress.

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How to Eliminate Negative Thinking with Presence

Once, while on a walk observing the wildlife in the neighborhood, I was reminded of something written by Eckhart Tolle. The author suggested that humans are the only animals on the planet who know what negativity is. He stated, “The only animals that may occasionally experience something akin to negativity or show signs of neurotic behavior are those that live in close contact with humans and so link into the human mind and its insanity.” This is actually easy to witness when we watch people with their pets. Often times the pet takes on the same neurotic tendencies of their owner. It takes presence in mind and body to remove such tendencies.

Tolle also told of an experience he had while watching two ducks. The ducks were swimming toward one another and when they crossed paths they reared up and opened their wings and engaged in a brief tussle before moving on. The ducks then flapped their wings vigorously before settling back into swimming gracefully as if nothing had ever happened. The author related this to how we act as humans. We tend to hold it inside and build up tension rather than release it like the duck. Then, when we do release it later after it has had a chance to fester, we release it in unhealthy ways.

The Importance of Feeling Before Reacting

After recalling the story, I considered the importance of observing feelings before reacting. By observing the feeling we gain control of the mind. We start directing it rather than having it direct us. After all, how many times have we found ourselves analyzing things to death, only to recognize in the end that it was the simplest answer all along? The idea had already helped me to analyze my own thoughts and feelings more before acting on them.

I realized that if I could gain control of the mind by becoming aware of the feelings before it begins trying to explain them, then much emotional pain can be averted. Typically we hear information and react immediately to it. We start asking ourselves all sorts of questions about it. We start asking, “How does this sit with me?” Immediately, we begin to judge it. We want to know if it belongs in our life. We become accustomed to react with our psychological self before our authentic self even has a chance to observe it. This is what it means to re-act to something, and it leads to many errors, first mentally, then physically. We begin assuming things and making up scenarios in our heads. Before long, we have completed the entire story before even getting another person’s perspective, or our own!

The Art of Presence

To be present, we must continually be aware of our thoughts and feelings. When a powerful emotion, previously labeled as negative, arises, we can use it to snap back into Presence. It is the inner guide saying, “Be alert!” Then, after becoming very alert and present in the now, we can act from the place of the authentic self. When we accept what is, every moment becomes the best moment. It has to. It’s all there is!

We can practice being present, while at the same time, release any stored energy from previously unprocessed emotions. To do this, we must stop occasionally and ask ourselves, “How am I feeling right now?” As the feeling in the moment is recognized, we can adjust the thoughts accordingly. We can recognize when we are feeling ‘bad,’ and after centering the attention on the feeling and allowing it to pass, trace the feeling back to the thought that created it, and then intentionally change the thought.

Presence in Action

For example, let’s say that a man finds himself feeling depressed but he has no reason why. First he can sit for a moment and feel the feelings and begin asking himself where is it? Does it have a shape? Is it moving? He can simply turn all attention toward the feeling itself without attempting to trace it’s origin. Then, after fully processing the emotion, he can trace the feeling back to the thought that created it. It must be remembered, however, this is much easier to do after processing the emotion, because the mind will be much more transparent without the cloud of emotion coloring the lens of perception. Then, if the thought that led to the depressed state was that the man is alone and has nobody to love, he can change the thought. He can say to himself, “I am a being of light and have the capacity to love anyone, anywhere, anytime. I know that this love will be returned as the love in me is the same as the love in everyone.”

What the man chooses to say to himself matters not. The only thing that’s important is that it’s the opposite of the thought that created the unwanted feelings of depression. To be able to easily change the thought, we need only to meditate on the fact that we are not the thoughts and can choose to change them at will. Soon, we will come to believe this truth and it will become much easier to utilize the method of recognizing feelings, processing them, tracing the feeling to the thought, and then changing the thought to what is wanted.

We Must Not Lie to Ourselves

Of course it’s still important not to lie to ourselves. In having a negative experience, for example, we must not try and convince ourselves it was positive. We must consider what good may come from the experience. In this way, we are training the mind to look toward the positive and away from the negative aspects of life. This is what is meant by move toward the light. We need only continue moving toward the light of the authentic self and away from the darkness of the psychological self. After all, feelings are the Universe’s way of communicating with the authentic self to show what It truly is, whereas thoughts and emotions are Its way of showing what we are not. Therefore, what we must do is surrender to the guidance of the Universe.

Perhaps the greatest part of surrender and acceptance is that we must accept and forgive ourselves first. Only then can we learn to accept and forgive others. By so doing, we surrender to the Reality of All That Is and the only thing remaining is peace. Anyone can actually reach this place. All it takes is complete acceptance and forgiveness of everyone and everything. Those who reach this state are given the title of enlightened one.

Heaven and Hell are Here and Now

Many interpret the Bible to mean that heaven and hell are places we go after the death of the body. However, to me, Jesus was explaining how to experience heaven on earth. A person who is enlightened lives Jesus’ teachings, and will remain in a state of bliss, which is heaven on earth. In contrast, an individual who is trapped in his own mind and has committed atrocities against humanity is in hell now, in the present moment. Even if that person presents an image of one who is normal and happy, in his mind and body he is most likely torturing himself over what he has done. That is God’s wrath. It occurs within the human mind and continues “throughout eternity” because he carries it with him for the rest of his life.

This is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness can come to anyone for anything through awakening to the present moment. Once we realize the truth that God is in everything and everyone, and we truly are One in every sense of the word, the sins are forgiven and the mind and body are now free of the pain and suffering endured in the time before becoming awakened, allowing forgiveness to take place.

To learn more about presence see my book on the topic, which can be found here.

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Learning to Follow Intuition Rather than Mind Chatter

Following Intuition can be a tricky thing, as it is much more subtle than listening to the ramblings of the mind. However, we all experience profound moments that change the course of our life forever. For me, it occurred while in college.

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Using Thoughts to Get What You Want

One day when I was a teacher, I had a surprise opportunity to practice what I had learned about directing thoughts. As soon as I walked in the door I noticed a red light flashing on my phone, indicating there was a message. At that time in my life I no longer coached basketball, so messages on my phone became almost nonexistent.

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How to Avoid Conflict and Resolve Issues

Once, when I was a teacher, I experienced valuable life lesson on how to avoid conflict, as I had a student test my resolve. The student, I’ll call “Laura,” had been tardy to class often and I had been following my standard protocol. However, on this day Laura took it to a new level. Never before had a student continued to be tardy after I had followed all the steps created to deter their late arrival, including a verbal warning, followed by a written warning, detention, and finally, office referral. Laura had already reached the referral stage and was still continuing to show up late, including on this particular day.

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Suppression Is Not Surrender

When we try to avoid an emotional reaction we are likely to exacerbate the problem because we are not dealing directly with it.

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There Is No Grasping in the Now

Often, events in our lives guide us to the answers we are seeking. When I was on a month long road trip in California, I had an experience that showed me, with perfect clarity, how being present in the now can destroy anxiety and doubt.

I spent an entire day in Trinidad walking and taking in the sites. It was breathtaking everywhere I looked. I spent time walking in the ocean and then took a mile hike around the point, with stops all along the way. I took my time and paused at every viewpoint, and there were a lot! I also enjoyed meditating on the beach to the sound of the ocean. Finally, after preparing and eating a meal in the park, I headed for Ashland, as I suddenly felt compelled to drive there.

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